Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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