my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
