she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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