I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I am morally bankrupt
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
