the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
