We're facebook friends in real life
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
