i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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