Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
