i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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