see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
