Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
