I cockslap morals
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No subtext here. People are naked.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
