my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
