Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
