she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the day after is always just damage control
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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