he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
