Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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