How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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