Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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