All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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