My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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