mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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