I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Alive.
So much puke
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
