So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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