She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
