Are we in a gay sports bar?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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