He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
