I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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