A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
