It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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