My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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