is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
