I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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