You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
