I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
