her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
