at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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