dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
