i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
