the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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