Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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