We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
