So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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