Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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