Please, let me fuck your mom
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
