ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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