She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
