Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize