i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
