don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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