I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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