Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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