I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's blow job season.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
