Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
