so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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