I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
