I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
