drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There r osticjed everywhere
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize