I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
