Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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