that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
