I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
