Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize